He promised to take care of me, and yet I feel afraid

I feel like something is going wrong, very wrong, and that it will get even worse. I dont feel like Nicks wife. I dont feel like a person at all: I am something to be loaded and unloaded, like a sofa or a cuckoo clock. I am something to be tossed into a junkyard, thrown into the river, if necessary. I dont feel real anymore. I feel like I could disappear.