When I m panicked, I say them aloud to myself. I m here. I don t usually feel that I am

Once I was standing on a cold corner in Chicago waiting for the light to change when a blind man came clicking up. What are the cross streets here, he asked, and when I didnt reply he turned toward me and said, Is anybody there Im here, I said, and it felt shockingly comforting, those words. I feel like a warm gust of wind could exhale my way and Id be disappeared forever, not even a sliver of fingernail left behind. On some days, I find this thought calming; on others it chills me.